A bead of Indian Monsoon

**From creative writing exercise at the Word Party**
And so I squatted there with my pants down uncertain of which hole to poo in. A bead of Indian monsoon sweating down my face onto that very floor between those two very conflicted holes. My host mother told me not to do it in the squat toilet, but do what exactly? Between the awkwardness of the topic and a translation lost in her thick Indian accent, I had no idea which hole I should go poo in.
I should really ask for clarifications on such critical subjects. But there I was somewhere between two holes, one of which held a whole lot of unconfused shit and the other that I would soon clog. Not only would I clog my family's hole, but the entire neighborhoods septic system would go down if I made such a mistake.
I had a belly full of spicy curry that went into my mouth already half digested and was now ready to burst out the other end.
At 5 am with the prayer call hailing out into the stoned mountain streets, I quickly pulled up my pants and clenched my butt cheeks to the house where my friend was staying . I was familiar with her system but I wasn't so sure the tikka masala would hold. I ran as fast as the butt clenching would allow. The street dogs didn't help, sniffing at me as I glided by.
My ass now the sliding glass doors of Walmart on Black Friday. I really did not think I was going to make it. I could get one crazy shopper to break through and tear it all down for the entire mass of digested tikka masala behind him.
There it is! It's perfect. Please don't be up, please don't be awake, please let me just slide past into your outdoor: hole in the ground toilet. A hole that accepted all sorts of excrement's. Rotten bananas, pee, lost prayer beads, all sorts of crap.
Shit, are they Muslim. They are. I guess prayer call means wake up and pray not wake up, go to the toilet and discover some God hatting foreigner crouched on your toilet.
I hoped not because before I could even complete that thought, I had already made it to the toilet with half the masala already stacked upon whatever went in the hole before it.